A Mardi Gras Mask, a Viking helmet and a Mission!




Wow That's Creepy

  So, there I was, trying to promote a dinner dance for my school and things weren’t going as well as I had planned. The club’s big idea to attend and “take over” the school club fair had failed pretty epically and with the dance three days away things were looking pretty morbid. 


Therefore, I kicked my pride to the curb put on a bright pink, Mardi Gras mask, a Viking helmet, and tried to cover the fact that the button of my pants had popped off earlier in the day with my shirt, grabbed another WOCC Viking Radio station club member and entered the busy cafeteria.


Odd thing about college is that until you stand up on a chair and shout for people’s attention, they don’t pay much attention to you; even if you are dressed like someone in a Pulp Fiction rendition of The Phantom of the Opera.  But once you do and all eyes are on you, it would look even dumber to chicken out. So, I scream at the top of my lungs my announcement of the Anything But Clothes Dinner Dance going on at Ocean County College Friday, March 11, from 6 p.m.-11 p.m. to benefit the Lakewood Outreach Ministry and then hop off the chair and run out of the cafeteria, plastic tomahawk and shield in the air yelling my Viking battle cry. 


I turn around once I’m out of the cafeteria and wonder how long it had taken to be ditched by the person I had walked in with. 

Blown off by my own Grandma?

I call my Grandma this morning to tell her I will be coming to see her. First, I call her, she answers the phone and she can't hear me. I'm screaming, "Hi! Can you hear me? Can you hear me?"

All I get in return is, "Hello? Hello?"

So, I hung up, which I felt bad doing, but she couldn't hear me anyway.

I wait a few minutes and then call back. (The facility she is in does not let her call out. She can only receive calls.) She answers and this time she can hear me!

This is the conversation that follows.

"Hi! How are you? Did I wake you?"

"No. Did you just call me?"

"Yes, that was me. You couldn't hear me."

"Sorry, it's this darn phone wire. Can hardly hear anybody. What are you doing?"

"I'm on my way to school..."

"Oh, ok! Well, have a good day. I love you. Goodbye."

She hangs up.

My Car Caught Fire

Two-Dents When He was New-Dents!

I own a 1991 Grand Marque named Two-Dents. I love Two-Dents. I bought him for $500 four months ago and the most trouble he ever gave me was the day I brought him home. We weren't even out of Toms River yet and the car started to smoke, so we pulled over and put some water in the exhaust or something. (Cars really aren't my forte.) My boyfriend poured water somewhere into the hood of the car to cool it down.

Then, off we went until about exit 77 on the New Jersey State Parkway when it started smoking again, at which time I handed the reigns off to my boyfriend who decided after some deliberation to gun the engine, which only put us at about 40 MPH, my car was so shot at that point, it was a miracle we  made it into a rest area. As we parked my boyfriend said, "Thank God. All my stress is gone." Then, while I was on the phone, talking to his brother about what we should do to fix Two-Dents, my boyfriend got out and started walking around my car.

And then, "Fire! Fire! Get out of the car!"

My boyfriend's friend and I jumped out of the car and while his friend ran into the rest stop I turned around and in one of my brief but often moments of stupidity, I said, "But I don't have any money."

He stopped and rolled his eyes, "Just talk on the phone!"

So I went over to the car to answer my boyfriend's brother's alarmed question about the fire, "Is it really red or are their flames?"

I stooped down to the wheel and said very calmly, "No, there's flames." In which case he screamed to get away from it and so I did. After that, I questioned exactly how I had survived this long on earth. Seriously...